The Matrix or something like it
by Romen
Summary: You take the blue pill, the story ends, and you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want. You take the red pill, and I'll show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Tee hee. Guess which pill Tas chose? CHAP 3 UP!
1. Follow instructions

Okay, you know that I couldn't resist. I had to do this!

T for mild violence, maybe some future language, I don't know.

And the question is: Is Tas !gasp! **_The One_**? Let's hope not.

But...

Please review.

Romen

Summary: You take the blue pill, the story ends, and you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want. You take the red pill, and I'll show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Tee hee. Guess which pill Tas chose? Angst for Zion and the crew of the _Nebuchadnezzer_.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada. Zip.

Chapter One:

Follow Instructions

Tas rarely fell asleep on the job. In fact, it was something that he never, ever did. He was always too busy waiting for something interesting to happen. However, on a boring day like to day, he couldn't help himself but catch a few Z's.

Besides working in an office answering telephones, Tas also had an illegal hacking operation inside of his home. He enjoyed meeting all of the shady and unique customers that he met. He couldn't help himself. Raistlin came by very often, and it was a great way to keep in touch with his friend, who didn't like giving out personal information such as his e-mail address, house address, or telephone number. Tas wondered why.

The kender rolled over in his bed, suddenly remembering that he wasn't in bed; he was sitting in his desk chair. He caught himself just before he hit the ground, grabbing onto the back of his rolling desk chair as it swung around violently. He knocked all of his knick-knacks and papers off of the desk, watching as they scattered across the room. He even bumped into his mouse, making the "Heroes of the Lance" screensaver disappear. He shook his head, climbing back onto his seat and staring at the screen with a blank expression.

Life was so dull. Even his side-job wasn't providing the entertainment he needed. He wished that something out of the ordinary would happen, something so unpredictable and so unreal that it would blow his mind.

And then, it happened!

The screen went black. He blinked, leaning forward and hitting the back of his monitor a few times.

"What a piece of junk," he muttered. "I paid good money for this too! What system is this? I should complain."

Suddenly, words appeared on the screen.

**Wake up, Tas...**

Tasslehoff frowned. "I am awake." It suddenly dawned on him. "Ah, I get it! Fizban must have finally learned how to instant message." He put his hands on the keyboard, typing hurriedly.

_What's up, Fiz? N e thing new?_

**The Matrix has you, Tas...**

This was odd. Fizban must be giving him some kind of riddle. He was a very clever wizard. The kender chewed on his lip before typing his reply.

_I don't get it. Give me another clue._

**Follow the white rabbit.**

Tas sighed, giving his head a small shake.

_How many times do I have to tell you, Fizban? Cut back on all of the pipe weed you're ordering from Middle-Earth. Give me a better clue._

**Knock, knock, Tas.**

_This is a knock-knock joke? Hey, I have a really good one. Knock, knock._

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. The kender scowled, slipping from his chair and trotting over to the door, pulling it open.

It was one of his customers. He smiled. "Hey, what can I do for you?"

The draconion shifted, his ugly girl-friend staring straight ahead stupidly. "You know."

"No, I don't. What's your name, Sir?"

"Glug."

"Ah, Glug, now I remember. Hold on one moment." He turned on his heel, hurrying over to a small chest in the corner and sorting through the contents. "You know, I always get you confused with Gluck or Ugh, or sometimes Mug and Jug. Those twins sure are a doozey. Here it is." He ran back to the door, dropping the purchase in a small plastic bag that said "Thank You" on it in big, bright, red letters. "Here you go, Mr. Glug. I hope you enjoy the merchandise."

"Yeah well...Technically, it doesn't exist, right?" He stopped sorting through his pockets, pausing a moment before snapping his fingers. "You know what, Tas? I seem to have forgotten my wallet. How about I pay you back by buying you a few drinks at the club tonight." He tugged at the gaudy white rabbit charm hanging from a necklace. It looked like something he had impulsively bought at a thrift shop for fifty cents.

"Gee, thanks! Let me go get my coat!"

(Space)

Tas frowned. He hadn't thought that they were going to a draconion club. He couldn't even dance in one of these places for fear of being stepped on. Besides, draconion men were completely indistinguishable from draconion women. He sighed, leaning back in his arm chair. Life sucked.

"Hello, Tas."

The kender started. A woman stood before him, her hair slicked back and in a black outfit. She looked very conspicuous. He grinned.

"Hello. My name's Tas, but you already know that. What's your name?"

She frowned. "You know."

"That's an interesting name. Then again, my gnome friend had a really strange name too, except it was very long."

Her face flinched before she pointed to a WANTED poster on the wall. Tas frowned, observing it.

"Did you know you look almost exactly like Trinity? I always thought she was a man, but I suppose I was wrong."

"I am Trinity you incompetent kender!" She quickly regained her composure, slipping into her same blank expression as she walked over to him, kneeling down on her knees so she could be at his eye level. "I know why you came here. You're looking for him."

Tas craned his neck. "I don't see anyone."

"You're looking for him," she repeated, shutting her eyes. "I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when I found him, he said that I wasn't really looking for him, but that I was looking for an answer."

Tas yawned. This was starting to sound like some scam to trick him into buying something.

"It's the question that drives us, Tas. It's the question that brought us here. What is the question?"

"Uh..." The kender hesitated. "Where's the restroom?"

"No, that is not the question, Tas. You know what the question is."

"Ah, you must have been the one on my computer! I thought you were Fizban. Let's see...I know; what is the Matrix?"

"Yes, Tas." Trinity nodded gravely. "The answer is out there. It's looking for you. And it will find you, if you want it to."

With that said, she walked away.

TBC...

I know the lines aren't exactly the same, but this IS A SPOOF. And besides, it's a DL fic anyway.

Review! I know you want to. Your hand is just itching to click on that small button...Do it man. You're not strong enough. There's no use in resisting.


	2. They're coming for you

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Shoot.

**Chapter Two**

**"They're coming for you."**

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Really, in Tas's opinion, someone needed to invent a new alarm for the alarm clock. This one was so old, so boring. Maybe a gully dwarf might like it, but Tas did not. He needed to call up his gnome friends and suggest that they get to work on that immediately.

As usual, he had slept in late that morning. Maybe that was because he hardly ever slept while he did his side-job. He really didn't know, and he really didn't care. He did know, however, that he needed to get to the office as soon as possible.

Tas took his usual bus, which was a very slow bus. He took his usual seat in the back, next to its other usual occupant; an old woman that smelled like mothballs. So Tas put on his usual scarf, which he pulled over his nose like he usually did. The bus usually arrived at his work within half an hour, which it did today, and Tas darted off of it like he usually did. Then he would make his way through the lobby, which was usually empty. And when the Tas finally made it to his desk, he was informed that his boss, Kitiara Uth Matar, wanted to see him as usual. So he went to see her like he usually did.

"Mr. Burrfoot, I'm going to be honest," she said, playing with one of the many pens on her desk. Kit loved to collect pens. She had all kinds of interesting ones, from pens with strawberry shaped caps to pens with frog legs jutting out from the sides, and Tas loved to look at them while she talked.

"Yes, Ms. Uth Matar?" He blinked, settling into his chair.

"You obviously don't think the rules apply to you. You're wrong." She leaned back in her chair, her dark eyes flashing menacingly. "This is the third time in a row that you've showed up late for work this week, and it's only Tuesday. We run a very important business here, Mr. Burrfoot, and I can't afford to let anyone slack off."

"Mm-hm." Tas nodded in agreement. Really, he was too busy watching people washing the windows outside. Tas had always wanted to be a window-washer when he was a kid. He thought it would be exciting to be so high above the ground. Somehow he ended up here instead, answering phones at the Uth Matar softwear empire.

"Mr. Burrfoot!"

"Yes?" He tore his eyes away from the windows to look at her, shocked at how red her face was. She rose slowly from her chair, her shoulders shaking with fury. She looked very imposing when angered.

"I HAVE POWER, MR. BURFOOT!" Kitiara cried, picking up a paper weight and throwing it at his head. Tas barely managed to dodge it. "AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO EXERCISE THAT POWER! NOW THIS IS THE THIRD TIME IN JUST THIS WEEK THAT YOU'VE BEEN LATE! WHEN I HIRED YOU, I DECIDED TO LOOK PAST ALL OF THE TIMES YOU HAD BEEN LATE OR ABSENT BECAUSE YOU WERE A FRIEND OF TANIS'S, AND I STILL PINE FOR HIM AT TIMES! DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS, MR. BURRFOOT!"

"No," Tas whispered, sinking in his chair as she came out from around her desk, grabbing the two arms of the chair and putting her face right in front of his.

"Exactly. So I try to be polite. I give you nice little warnings or suggestions. 'Gilthanas is always on time, Tas. You could learn from him', or 'I would like it if you came in a bit earlier.' BUT NO! YOU JUST CAN'T TAKE A HINT!" She spun his chair around so he was facing the wall. "Do you see those photographs, Mr. Burrfoot? Do you know what all of the kenders in them have in common with you?"

"We're all kenders?"

"No. YOU ALL WERE ALWAYS LATE! NEVER MADE IT IN ON TIME!" She took a shuddering breath, picking up a medium sized black brick. "All of the kenders who worked for me saw this, that's why they're on the wall, to remind me. Do you know what this is for, Mr. Burrfoot?"

"No." Tas shook his head.

"This is so I can BEAT YOUR BRAINS OUT TOMORROW WHEN YOU DON'T COME IN ON TIME! HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?"

"Y-Yes," Tas stuttered, nodding his hand fervently. "Crystal clear, actually."

"NOW GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

"Yes Ms. Uth Matar!" Tas scampered from his chair, shutting the door behind him.

(Space)

Besides his run in with Kit that morning, the rest of Tas's morning went as scheduled. He listened to his favorite radio station while he waited for someone to call. However, unlike the usual routine, a Fed-ex man came up to him.

"Are you"- he looked down at his clipboard -"Tasslehoff Burrfoot?"

Tas nodded, taking the clipboard and signing it. "The one and only, but I would prefer if you call me Tas. I don't really like when people call me Tasslehoff."

"Uh-huh. Here's your package." He tossed it on the kender's desk, whistling as he walked away.

"Someone really needs to call Qualinesti Delivery. They just have a much better work ethic."

He picked up the envelope, surprised at its light weight. He quickly tore it open, excited. He had no idea who could have sent him a package. He was dismayed to find that it was a simple cell phone, and an ugly one at that. Now he was going to have to buy a minutes plan or a phone card. Suddenly, the phone rang. He pressed the yes button.

"Hello, Tasslehoff Burrfoot speaking. But call me Tas."

"Hello Tas. Do you know who this is?"

Tas clapped one hand over his eyes. "Sorry Mom! I forgot to call you. How's Dad's back doing? I really didn't mean to knock him over like that."

"This is not your mother, Tas."

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry Dad! I didn't even recognize you! How's that back? And I'm sorry about Grandma, too. I didn't intend for _that_ to happen."

"No, this isn't your father either. Think Tas, THINK!"

It suddenly dawned on the kender. "You must be Morpheus."

"Yes Tas, it is I."

"Hey, can you tell me what the Matrix is? I've been trying to research it on the internet but I keep getting results about martyrs. If Kit sees what I'm doing, she's going to bash my brains out with a brick."

Morpheus cleared his throat. "We don't have time to discuss this right now, Tas. They're coming for you, and I'm not sure what they're going to do."

"Who's coming for me? It's not Portius and his henchmen. I really didn't want to break the Orb, but I had to do it, you see. It's a very interesting story, and it all begins when"-

"If you want to see them, stand up. Slowly. The elevator."

Tas scampered on top of his desk, shooting up to look at the men in suits in front of the elevator. Their heads snapped in his direction, so he dropped to his knees, crawling under his desk.

"Wow, Morpheus! Did you see that? Wow, I think that they're after me! What are they going to do? Do I know something that can alter the future of Krynn? Do I have powers that only I can wield?"

"I don't know what they're going to do to you, but if you don't want to find out, you must listen to me."

As much as Tas wanted to find out what they wanted to do to him, he decided that Morpheus knew best. "All right. What do I do first?"

"There's an empty cubicle across from you. Go to it. Now!"

Tas ran as fast as he could, watching as he could see the part of the part leg of a suit cross in front of the wall just as he disappeared.

"Stay there until I tell you to go," Morpheus commanded.

Tas held his breath, waiting for what felt like forever.

"Down the hall and to the left there's an empty office. Go to it. Now."

"All right." He crawled from the cubicle, the cell phone between his teeth as his coworkers gave him dirty looks. It didn't take him long to realize that the office he was going to was Kit's, but he didn't care. She wouldn't really use that brick on him...he hoped.

"I'm in the office," he breathed, shutting the door behind him. "What now?"

"Outside the window there's some scaffolding."

"You're amazing! How do you know all of this?"

"There isn't time, Tas. You need to get out of there."

Tas opened the window, looking at the small ledge and the amount of space there was between the ground and that floor. He grinned.

He was almost to the scaffolding when it came to him that he had left the cell phone in Kit's office. What a very un-kender like thing to do! He scowled, hurrying back inside. He felt someone grab him by the cuff on his tunic.

"Hello, Mr. Burrfoot. We've been waiting for you."

TBC...

Reviews, please.


	3. Unable to SpeakGetting the Bug Out

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Chapter Three: **

**Unable to Speak/Getting the Bug Out**

Tas shifted uncomfortably in his chair, wishing that he wouldn't have gone back inside to get the cell phone after all. He glanced at the security camera in the corner of the small, dank, little windowless room, heaving a sigh. He was probably going to incarcerated. He had never been arrested before, for anything. Sure, he had been threatened for crimes that he hadn't committed, but people seemed to like to do that to kender. They just didn't understand his kind.

His head whirled around as the door flew open. The same stiff looking men in the suits and sunglasses entered the room, sitting down in the front of the table as the ugliest set down a thick looking file, beginning to flip through it.

"Do you always wear those sunglasses?" Tas couldn't help but ask. "Even when you're indoors? If I wore those glasses all the time, I'm afraid I couldn't see where I was going. I might run into the wall, or trip over someone's suitcase at the airport. I might even accidentally fall down a flight of stairs or"-

The freaky man interrupted, apparently not listening. "As you can see, we've had our eyes on you for some time now, Mr. Burrfoot. It seems that you've been living two lives." He looked back down at the file. "In one life you're Tasslehoff Burrfoot, telephone operator at the respectable Uth Matar software company. You have a social security number. You pay your taxes. And you...," he glanced back up at the kender, "help your landlady carry out her garbage."

Tas gulped. This guy seemed a little cryptic...

"The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the hacker alias 'Tas'"-

"Tas isn't my alias," Tasslehoff interrupted. "It's my nickname. I like to go by 'Tas' instead of 'Tasslehoff'. I'm sure you know that I"-

"-and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for. One of these lives has a future. And one of them does not." He closed the file. "I'm going to be as forthcoming as I can, Mr. Burrfoot. We're here because we need your help. We know that you've been contacted by a certain individual; a man who calls himself 'Morpheus'. Whatever you think you know about this man is irrelevant. He is considered by many authorities to be the most dangerous man alive." He leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. "My colleagues believe that I am wasting my time with you. But I believe you wish to do the right thing. We're willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. All that we're asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice."

"Oooh, well, heheh." Tas shifted in his chair. "I want my phone call, actually. I think that maybe Dalamar could help me out of this situation, or I could get Kit and her Dark Queen to come down here and hit you all with bricks."

"Oh, Mr. Burrfoot. You disappoint me."

"I want my phone call," Tas repeated. "I know my rights!"

"Tell me, Mr. Burfoot..." He leaned forward. "What good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?"

Tas cocked his head to the side in confusion. Was that a death threat? That's what it sounded like. He was just about to ask when he found he couldn't open his mouth. The flesh had merged together. He let out a yell (sort of), and put his hand over where his lips had used to be. This was so strange! He wondered what they had done. He had never experienced anything like this before. He would have to tell Flint all about this (if he ended up not being put in prison...).

The two other cronies- oops, I mean, men, lifted the poor little kender by his shoulders, flinging him onto the table. Tas struggled to sit up so he could examine his no-more-mouth better, but they pushed him back down.

Mr. Smith (we all know who he is, and the author is sick of having to call him the same thing over and over again) stood, pulling a small, tin case from his pocket. "You're going to help us, Mr. Burrfoot," he said as it popped open. "Whether you want to or not."

He held up a small, freaky, mechanical looking device, pushing a button on it somewhere. A mucus-like substance began to spread over it, and Tas noticed that it was wiggling back and forth. Arms and a head spread through the cover, creating the appearance of some kind of robotic lobster. Mr. Smith walked closer and closer, before holding it under Tas's left nostril and letting go... (duh duh DUH!)

(Space)

Tas started in bed, giving a yelp. He had been having the most terrible dream! He put one hand on his mouth. It was back. He sprang from his bed, running over to the bathroom, his footsteps drowned out by the falling rain. He gave a small glance around the room before scampering onto the stool he had placed under the sink, which was much too tall for him, and tilting his head far back, looking at the reflection in the mirror. He pulled the nostril wider with his fingers. Nope, no lobster-thingy there.

At that moment, he heard the phone trill. He sighed, looking down at his watch. 12:00 am. Really, people shouldn't call this late! Still, he didn't have an answering machine, so he hurried over.

"Hello, Tasslehoff Burrfoot speaking. But call me Tas."

"This line is tapped, so I must be brief."

"Oh, Morpheus!" Tas shrieked. "You won't believe what just happened to me! Or do you? Do you know what happened to me? Was it just a dream? Was it real?"

"Well, Tas, they got to you first, but they've underestimated how important you are. If they knew what I know, you would probably be dead."

The phone slipped from Tas's hand as lightning flashed, shortly accompanied by thunder. He bent down to pick it up, holding it next to his ear once more. "What are you talking about? You're not talking about the orb incident, are you? Really, Morpheus, I didn't want to, I had to, they were going to keep arguing about it forever..."

"You are the One, Tas. You may have spent the last few years looking for me"-

'Not really,' Tas thought to himself.

"-but I have spent my entire life looking for you. Now do you still want to meet?"

"Yes, yes, definitely! Let's go to McDonald's, and get a fruit buzz!"

"Then go to the Adams Street bridge. I already got a fruit buzz. It wasn't that great."

"Oh, okay." Tas hung up, pulling on his waterproof raincoat and little rubber boots, along with his hat, which greatly resembled Paddington the bear's. He pulled a small yellow scarf over his mouth and nose.

Minutes later he was running down the sidewalk, splashing in every puddle that he could find as the rain continued to fall. In fact he was having so much fun that he wasn't really watching where he was going, and ran straight into a cloaked figure.

"Oh, pardon me," he said quickly, as the figure pulled the hood down. He gawked. "Raistlin! What are you doing here, of all places?"

Raistlin opened his mouth to speak, his hour glass eyes looking duller than ever, but was hurled into a coughing fit. "What are _you_ doing here? And why are you dressed like Winnie the Pooh?" he finally managed to say.

"I'm going to meet an enemy of the state, and he's picking me up at the bridge!" Tas pointed at the structure for emphasis. "And you mean Paddington, not Pooh."

The reddish/black mage waved him away. "Same thing." He started hacking again, his body racking with shudders.

"Hey, you don't sound too good," Tas noted. "Maybe you should go to a doctor, or get Caramon to nurse you back to health. Just like the old days!"

"Caramon won't pay me any attention ever since he and Tika married!" Raistlin wailed, pulling his hood up. "I'm down here to hitchhike to Las Vegas."

"Maybe you should go to the intersection instead, since there are more cars. Or get Dalamar to take you!"

Raistlin rolled his eyes, muttering, "Kender never change, do they?"

"What was that, Raist? I couldn't here you."

"Oh nevermind. I suppose I'll see you at a casino sometime, if fate treats me kindly."

"All right! Bye!" Tas hastened under the bridge, thankful to be out of the rain. Seconds later a black car pulled up next to him.

Trinity opened the door. "Get in," she said gravely.

Tas ran over to the other side of the car, pulling the door open and plopping in the back seat next to her. At that moment, a woman dressed in steely grey turned around in her seat, a gun pointed at his head.

Tas blinked. "Is that real?"

"It's necessary Tas," Trinity explained, "for our protection."

"Er...From what?"

"From you."

"ME!" Tas jumped in his seat as lighting flashed at the same time as the thunder sounded (a creepy, inaccurate coincidence).

"Take off your yellow scarf," grey-gun-woman said.

"What?"

She rolled her eyes, saying to the driver, "Stop the car."

The very confused kender felt the car pull to a stop. He looked to Trinity for an explanation.

"Listen to me, Paddington," grey-gun-woman snapped. "We don't have time for 20 questions. Right now there's only one rule: our way, or the highway."

Tas frowned. "You know, you're starting to sound a lot like my boss. She used to be second in command in the"-

"Please Tas, you have to trust me," Trinity pleaded unemotionally.

"Why should I?" Tas was feeling a bit rebellious.

"Because you have been down that road before. You know that road. You know exactly where it ends. And I know that's not where you want to be."

There was a beat of silence before the kender nodded, and the car started again.

"Apoc, lights," Trinity suddenly said. Apoc handed her some kind of strange, non-humane looking contraption. "Lie back. Pull down your scarf."

Tas did as he was told, but not before asking, "Was is that thing?"

"I think you're bugged," she simply answered, holding it under his nose. "Try and relax."

Two little metal arms sprung out and landed on his cheeks. This was most interesting. He was going to have to tell Flint about this thing too...

"Come on," Trinity murmured to herself, concentrating (somewhat). "Come on."

"It's on the move."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" Trinity shot her a glare before looking back down. "Come on."

"You're gonna lose it."

"No, I'm not. Clear!"

Tas felt a large shock of electricity run through his nose, which is not a pleasant feeling by the way. He twisted his scarf in his hands as Trinity pressed down on something. The tiny lobster was suddenly sucked from his nostril.

"Holy Huma, that thing's real!" Tas cried. "Wow! What's it made out of Trinity?"

She didn't answer, but instead threw it out of the window as they continued their drive down the road.

**TBC...**

Yeah, I know, some things were different, like the nose thing...But I thought that if it went up his nose instead it would be a lot less painful for everyone's favorite kender, and it was funnier, no? Please review!

And sorry for my super slow update. I've been really busy, and haven't had much time to sit down and write. But I will never abandon this fic!


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